Personal
space is a widely non discussed term. It is non discussed, because it’s meant
to be naturally understood.
To give you an
official explanation:
Personal space is
the diameter of area around a person within which no one other than a
boyfriend, a husband, a kid or an accident, should penetrate. Results of
violating someone’s space can result in squeamish, highly uncomfortable behavior.
I was one among those people who thought that only 1 among 100 people were
unaware of this concept. So imagine my surprise, when I discovered the other
side of reality. Many people have no clue that you are not supposed to stand 10
cm close to another person and then turn your head towards them (W-E-I-R-D-!).
Or, when you are sitting in your cubicle, not to lean over another's head at a
distance where they cannot breathe their portion of Oxygen, and rather have to
intake your exhaled CO2 (LOL. Chemistry and all).
Well, that’s another
topic altogether. Today, I am going to talk about a different type of violating
someone’s personal space….Curiosity about the procreating abilities of a
couple (Asking, ‘When are you having kids?’ to be on the clearer side ;))
Let me very clearly
state, there is ONLY ONE person who actually has the right to ask that, that
being your spouse. Period. The list ends there.
Like the other idea
of personal space that I was sooo unaware of, I assumed that, everybody would
have the common sense, to stay aloof from such a personal enquiry. Apparently
not :D.
Right from the time I was remotely aware of the process (let’s keep the
blog post clean shall we? :P), which would be probably around 8th or
9th grade, I had always thought that, babies and the number of
babies a family has, is their choice, and nobody should question as to why 1 or
why 12? That opinion just grew stronger with age. At 24 now, with a much
clearer perspective on life, I still think that some questions are very much
off limits, or to dial down the strictness, let’s say: Sometimes, everyone
should be given the chance to not answer a question, rather than prodding them
until they give in.
Let’s give a reality
check to the people who do this, shall we:
- Extremely old people at the verge of memory loss( This may be due to their old customs and traditional beliefs of: Turn 18, Get Married, Start baby making, Continue baby making as far as your health supports…die.Whew!)
- People in the age range of 35-58(includes aunts, uncles, aunt’s father’s sister, grandma’s cousin’s uncle….)
- Parents inclusive of the in-laws, the immediate relatives( Well, this is forgiven in some cases)
- Teenage kids!!! Say What! :O
One
good thing is, we do not find it intimidating when a friend asks the question,
but it’s not very often that they do.
When teens start asking weird question, I personally have no clue what to say :D other than-‘ There’s more than enough time for all of it. Let God plan, and then we’ll see’. The point is: Why do kids ask such questions? Probably because we are being brought up in such an environment, where ‘get married, have kids’ is the norm.
When teens start asking weird question, I personally have no clue what to say :D other than-‘ There’s more than enough time for all of it. Let God plan, and then we’ll see’. The point is: Why do kids ask such questions? Probably because we are being brought up in such an environment, where ‘get married, have kids’ is the norm.
Well, if you still
believe firmly in that concept, allow me to share a slightly different
perspective:
I like to believe
that, you need a very good mutual understanding and a happy environment, before
you can bring a baby feet amongst you. It’s just human nature: You cannot keep
someone else happy when you are breaking down inside.
My previous post clearly mentions the time it takes for couples to build that bond. It varies from person to person. So, if someone decides, that they want to be sure of each other, before they try for a third person, I say- you go girl!(or guy! :P). It’s very important to know whether your spouse is the kind of parent you want for your child. Unfortunately, some people are not that lucky J, in which case, there is always a greater good involved.
My previous post clearly mentions the time it takes for couples to build that bond. It varies from person to person. So, if someone decides, that they want to be sure of each other, before they try for a third person, I say- you go girl!(or guy! :P). It’s very important to know whether your spouse is the kind of parent you want for your child. Unfortunately, some people are not that lucky J, in which case, there is always a greater good involved.
Some couples may not
really be gelling well with each other, and would have consciously made a decision
to not have kids as of now. Your unwanted questioning will be burning holes in
their heart. They are already in a big mess where they are terribly trying to
get out of or solve the mystery, that is their marriage; your doubts and
concerns regarding the almost non-existent future they have, will only make
them drown in their misery. By the way, you are not God, that they ‘have to’
tell you everything!
After months of
trying, knowing that there finally is an extra heartbeat in there, would be an
amazing joy to feel. To know, the joy will never see the light of day, is a
grief time will heal. Miscarriage, is a very hushed but very common phenomenon
these days. Let me take this moment to pray for all you parents out there, who
have lost their joy before it saw the world. Well, I have known this to be a
fact: Miscarriages happen when the foetus is either not growing properly or
will not be able to grow healthily, once born. So, be proud of the pain you
went through and happy that your kid did not have to endure the physical
difficulties he/ she would have had. Positive vibes always works wonders you
know J
You
probably realize what I’m hinting at- Do Not Ask A Couple Details of how, why,
when and where they want kids, Stop giving them doctor’s contacts( without them
asking you), Stop giving them tips(chances are, they know better than you)!
Why don’t you
realize that, something as personal as the result of love and passion between 2
people –IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
Ok, now let me go to
the shady area where immediate relatives are involved. Well, in cases, where
their daughter or son is depressed because of not having kids ( due to any
reason. Now, don’t go asking why), parents can help a lot, not by nagging, but
by consoling, or providing helpful suggestions. But, there should be a limit to
the frequency of suggestions you give, say, max twice.
I don’t think any
adult who intend to have a child will forget any suggestion they are given, so,
you don’t really have to keep on bugging them about anything. See, with all due
respect, give them space, they are adults, they do know what they want, your
unwanted intrusions WILL cause riffs in their relationship. Hence, as Prophet
Muhammad PBUH said, we should not intrude into a couple’s life, if it is about
something that doesn’t concern us.
This Blog Action
Day, Im raising my voice against this “norm”. are you with me?
Let’s stop prying
into other’s private lives shall we?
By the way, Keep smiling.
Positive energy every day, keeps unwanted creeps at bay ;)
Loadsa Love,
Farheen...
